It seems like my entire life has been spent with other people in mind; as if I was just a co star in MY own life.
My struggle has always been to be seen and heard; those who "see" me have always feared my presence and have continually tried to marginalize my own "self"; it worsens when I "connect" with another person: the world hates me in love and happy. I wish I understood it , but it is what it is...
Maybe since my birth was premature (2 lbs. 7 ounces), I had to instinctively develop a fighters will due from my desperate right to life. Then later, it sharpened in my search and subsequential discovery of my unique individuality. Which leads to today's refined passsion stoked by a visionary fire; echoed alone full of inspiration and reason, pleading many for years in an age of "The Unreasonables." Fortunately for me, this fighters spirit has aways been tempered by a soft and open heart.
Through it all, my song remains the same to those around me: Do unto to others as I would have them do unto me; a golden oldie, that rarely returns from their lips; prefering to take, ONLY ; not realizing that the law of the universe is to 'give in order to take'. This one sided relationship will ultimately, tragically-- spell their doom!
This is true for our nation as well!
And over the years my patience has waned, as I hoped for them to follow; still I continue to harmoniously hum with them in mind, hoping to hear their tonal change, to the right key.
As I remarked yesterday I do feel a need for the struggle. But there are times, like today, when I am also reminded of my need for harmony only found in the simple sanctuaries of my life: my god, my guy, my nieces, and my freedom of expression. (Zues the dog is joining this list.) Only in these instances can I find a rejuvenation of my faith in the future, and my voice to sing.
next: 1992, my odyssey, and the "project" to re-animate a people...
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