Saw Tomorrow: part 4

16Th and Sanchez, four blocks from the Castro and three blocks from Mission Delores High School. The house sat first on the south side of the block; the door opened to a staircase that rose to a very pedestrian flat; the type found in numerous homes across the city. Here i would spend the next 3 weeks sitting alone on the porch, listening to the cats "meow" and the wind chimes dangle and clang; I felt as alone as I had ever felt in my life.

The flat was home to Jorge, Jimmy and Barrett, though the home belonged to Shoshanna. She and Jorge had met and married during their "Grateful Dead" years; though not together he still was her husband and while she stayed in Bolinas he when not living in his van would take up residence inside the room at the front of the house that overlooked Sanchez. Though a marriage of some convenience, each had moved to a point that only demanded they be present in the others life when circumstances dictated. And like and convenience its context and proximity changed as circumstances dictated; usually when Shoshanna needed to come home to live in her house. And when she did decide to return from Bolinas the entire atmosphere of the flat would be realigned: similar to when your mom comes to visit you after a long absence...

Fortunately for me she was in her Bolinas cycle; blessed by the gods I was able to lick my wounds in seclusion seeing only Jorge and occasionally Jimmy. I did much soul searching on that porch; and on those days I left the flat I would spend them waking alone the streets of San Francisco. Sometimes I would go visit Virginia Parks a great friend and confidant who was also a member of golden Gate. She was always a person I would confide in and since she was member I could get the scuttlebutt and gossip being passed back in forth in my absence. It was a tough four days until the next general body meeting; a meeting that was going to be one of the toughest events of my life. Even to this day I still rank it with one of the most foreboding of my life. But It was my honorable duty to show up; I had to stand up and answer to the events that had transpired that fateful night. Many people had obviously heard and would want to judge our character and put, if necessary, their questions to rest.

The walk to the space, located in Hayes valley would take on a normal night 20 minutes or so from the house. It was one of the longest yet one of the shortest damn walks of my life. "Did a firing squad await?", I thought as inched myself along the path across Market St. through the lower "Haight", and finally down the hill towards "Hayes Valley."

As I made my final turn onto Hayes ave. could see at the middle of the block a already large gathering of people milling around as was accustomed before the meeting. It appeared larger than normal but considering I had hoped for a few as possible I inhaled silently as I made my way towards the front, hoping to immediately see a familiar face to ease my way inside. As I approached I began to feel like the estranged wife and everyone had heard so I felt as if they were only here to see the aftermath...like Natalie woods character "Dennie" the day she returned to class after "Buzz" had the affair, in "Splendor in the Grass." I slowly made my way through the crowd; not looking directly at anyone in particular, though hoping a safe face would help to distract me as we all waited for 7 pm to arrive. As normal I did not feel comfortable engaging in chit-chat but under these circumstances I was just hoping to be engaged by anyone who still felt good about my camaraderie as a leader of the group. To my strength and salvation I was greeted by many warm embraces and words, one of the first was Virginia and also Matthew. My reputation was on the line and this initial response made me feel welcome and supported by the people within the body I was elected to represent. Alas, I knew it would be awkward once I did see him which happens as the clock was about to strike 7pm as he walks by in his usual frenetic pace; his surrogate mother Brenda "electra" Lien in tow.

As if on cue the remained of those still left out front follow inside as the door closes, the chairs have been appropriately filled and all eyes focus on the moderators sitting neatly in front:showtime!