Saw tomorrow: part 5

The meeting started as it always did: two moderators took their place in front, beside a large paper script that documented today's agenda. The items and details were also reproduced and handed out on paper to everyone attending the meeting. I took up a seat neatly off to the side but very close to the front; I did not feel comfortable being to out but I knew at this stage in the "game" I had no business hiding from this occasion. As I scanned the agenda I noticed a special section where the group was to talk about people "living" in the space; I was not surprise at the topic.

"Oh shit" I thought as I began to think about how much detail I might have to bring to light in defense of my actions from last week. Though since I had discussed the item earlier with Virginia, who had told me it was to be added and discussed because of the previous events . Also I was to learn one other person had interest in living their too.
It was positioned as the first agenda item on the list after the customary introductions and business was out of the way. A relatively new member had needed to spend time in the space due to his housing "instability". This gave the moderators the chance to revisit all the happenings from last week; the topic for discussion was formed around not letting members use the space outside of meetings pertaining to activism.

(Ironic because homelessness is a chronic cause of immune deficiency)

I sat and listened to many of the voices speak in support of supporting the ban; moreover, many of these people were using the timing of this issue to vulture Adam and to a lesser degree myself. Many of them were rarely seen and if so heard at general body meetings. But I have learned over the years vermin of all sorts come out to feast whenever blood is in the water.

And Adam Gerics WAS their favorite dish...

I sat and listened as many "friendly" members began to add their scorn on those who need a space to live; demanding action against us for using it without permission. Though we had been squatting there for months.
Adam sat in silence as hands continued to rise.
Ironically I began to become angered at their disrespect and raised my hand to speak: we did much at the space daily to provide outreach to the neighborhood and activism full time when many of you were no where to be found; he/I can be asked to leave the space but not condemned for the work done daily in behalf of ACTUP...

The feeding frenzy was stopped; I did not come to bury him...I came to finish my work as an AIDS activist. The group then decided(unfortunately) to not let anyone use the space for housing; we then returned to the customary list of weekly business. I do not remember if I said much of anything else as the meeting ended rather pedestrian. We all made our way out of the space with me making a short visit with the many faces that were and still are if I found them today very dear to my heart. A quick hug and "thank you" was mostly said as I gradually made my way to the exit onto Hayes st. I looked back and saw Adam standing inside talking to Brenda and thought of how different this night had ended from the many others. We would be folding chairs and stacking them in the corner glad that it was over and gossiping about the events that had unfolded...

As I turned and walked back to Sanchez I was not sure if that was my last ACTUP meeting or not but I did know that if it was, it was one I would never forget.
I took the occasion to stay away for the next two weeks;I choose instead the solitude of the porch and hoped to be given a sign of a new direction; a beacon to guide my life. That "light" was to arrive, early morning June 1.

After a day and night I shall never forget...